i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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