it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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