I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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