whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
