all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
