oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
