Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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