like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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