if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
