Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
