is your mom at the bar?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
