I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
