I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
