Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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