Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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