ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
