so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
