Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
