I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
