I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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