I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are two peas in an std pod
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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