I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
