you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
