Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
