i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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