We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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