I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
