i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
