Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
