I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize