My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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