I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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