This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
