i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want nice things and good sex
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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