I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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