You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
