no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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