Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
