Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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