just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
