Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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