I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
