We're facebook friends in real life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
