We're facebook friends in real life
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
