I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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