It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
