So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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