She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
