Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
