there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my liver is dry heaving
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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