I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
