Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
