Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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