i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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