we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
