why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize