You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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