i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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