i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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