Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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