mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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