no, he came in my armpit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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