He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
