I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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