I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
